Friday 16 September 2011
Tuesday 13 September 2011
Alliteration
So many name changes! Sorry (if I even have any readers, ahah)! However, I honestly think this one will stick for a long time. For starters, it's a hell-of-a lot easier to say, and unfortunately, it's practically describes my life right now.
Ohhh, coffee and closet cases. I'm now working full-time time fixing obsessively needy peoples' espresso drink. Whilst juggling school. Part-time, of course. I'm not fucking Superman.
You know those exes? The ones that aren't out of the closet, continue to permeate every section of your life (on their terms), and then suddenly disappear? Mine has reared his rather attractive head again. Immediately after I met someone. Coincidently, someone is also Chinese and in the closet, but lives in my city, goes to my school, and is closer to my age. WTF is with me and Chinese men?
I feel like my ex and I are on the fucking wheel of samsara (which is redundant, if you know anything about Buddhism). Our attachment to one another creates shitty-ass karma, and then it's back to me being upset and him disappearing. And I can't seem to decide if I want him to remain missing from my life. It's a mess. And he's put the ball in my court, even though I feel like he's serving the goddamn thing every time we talk.
With someone, let's call him Z, is further in the closet than my ex. Like, fucking Narnia deep. He's not out to anyone in the U.S. besides me. So, I'm even hesitant to start something. But I want to. And I know he wants to. But I don't know if it will be good for either us. What to do?
This crazy insane schedule running from coffee, to class, to my closet cases is extremely exhausting and nerve-wracking. Stress anyone? Also, my mom's heart transplant situation isn't going very well. A doctor told her her heart is still viable (wtf?), even though she's gone through 13? (I've lost count) surgeries and has a pacemaker. Hmmm. Right.
Ohhh, coffee and closet cases. I'm now working full-time time fixing obsessively needy peoples' espresso drink. Whilst juggling school. Part-time, of course. I'm not fucking Superman.
You know those exes? The ones that aren't out of the closet, continue to permeate every section of your life (on their terms), and then suddenly disappear? Mine has reared his rather attractive head again. Immediately after I met someone. Coincidently, someone is also Chinese and in the closet, but lives in my city, goes to my school, and is closer to my age. WTF is with me and Chinese men?
I feel like my ex and I are on the fucking wheel of samsara (which is redundant, if you know anything about Buddhism). Our attachment to one another creates shitty-ass karma, and then it's back to me being upset and him disappearing. And I can't seem to decide if I want him to remain missing from my life. It's a mess. And he's put the ball in my court, even though I feel like he's serving the goddamn thing every time we talk.
With someone, let's call him Z, is further in the closet than my ex. Like, fucking Narnia deep. He's not out to anyone in the U.S. besides me. So, I'm even hesitant to start something. But I want to. And I know he wants to. But I don't know if it will be good for either us. What to do?
This crazy insane schedule running from coffee, to class, to my closet cases is extremely exhausting and nerve-wracking. Stress anyone? Also, my mom's heart transplant situation isn't going very well. A doctor told her her heart is still viable (wtf?), even though she's gone through 13? (I've lost count) surgeries and has a pacemaker. Hmmm. Right.
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