I Don't Like Surprises.

Well, that's not completely true. I don't like surprises when I'm told that I'm going to be surprised.

I have a lot of issues, and one of those issues is definitely relationships. I tend to have no fucking idea what I want. I pretty much broke-up with my ex on a whim, but it turns out that that whim was a good idea. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but I realized that if I stayed in the relationship with him, it just wouldn't be healthy. The long-distance, him being closeted... yada yada yada.

But.

There are those fleeting moments (or days, really) when I'm like, "Damn. He could provide stability. Stability is good. He's a great guy. Wouldn't hurt to just settle." These moments are usually spiced with pangs of loneliness and self-pity. Ew, right?

But.

Right now I'm in the let'spartyandgetfuckingtrashed zone. No feeling sorry for myself, no being lonely, and definitely hooking up with people I probably shouldn't (i.e. - old coworkers).

Recently the ex has told me that he's got a surprise. Like, a big one. And it's freaking me the fuck out. I've known that he's wanted to go to Yale forever, so it wouldn't be too big a surprise if he actually got in. Yale's in New England. No biggie. However, I feel like this surprise has to do with his job and I know he can be transferred to California, and this definitely worries me. I wouldn't put it past him to move here and try to get back together. I don't think I want that.

But.

I don't know.