I Don't Like Surprises.

Well, that's not completely true. I don't like surprises when I'm told that I'm going to be surprised.

I have a lot of issues, and one of those issues is definitely relationships. I tend to have no fucking idea what I want. I pretty much broke-up with my ex on a whim, but it turns out that that whim was a good idea. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but I realized that if I stayed in the relationship with him, it just wouldn't be healthy. The long-distance, him being closeted... yada yada yada.

But.

There are those fleeting moments (or days, really) when I'm like, "Damn. He could provide stability. Stability is good. He's a great guy. Wouldn't hurt to just settle." These moments are usually spiced with pangs of loneliness and self-pity. Ew, right?

But.

Right now I'm in the let'spartyandgetfuckingtrashed zone. No feeling sorry for myself, no being lonely, and definitely hooking up with people I probably shouldn't (i.e. - old coworkers).

Recently the ex has told me that he's got a surprise. Like, a big one. And it's freaking me the fuck out. I've known that he's wanted to go to Yale forever, so it wouldn't be too big a surprise if he actually got in. Yale's in New England. No biggie. However, I feel like this surprise has to do with his job and I know he can be transferred to California, and this definitely worries me. I wouldn't put it past him to move here and try to get back together. I don't think I want that.

But.

I don't know.

Life and Other Things We Take For Granted

It's almost one in the morning here, I can't sleep, I'm at my future brother-in-law's house, and my sister is getting married tomorrow.

Meanwhile, the main island of Japan (Honshu) is experiencing the wrath of Mother Nature. And apparently she's on her period. I have two friends that currently live in Japan, and then countless bloggers that I know of that call the Land of the Rising Sun their home. My heart goes out to all. It's hard to explain exactly how I feel. The Japanese language and all things Japan was kinda the gateway to the life that I'm leading right now, and in a sense, I feel a strange and awkward connection with the country. I'm like this with a lot of countries (seeing as I have many foreign and first-generation immigrant friends), but Japan especially tugs at my heart strings.

Currently, I feel this weird tension brewing. Part of me is incredibly happy right now, and then I remember the videos and photos that I've seen on the news. Floods of guilt soon follow. Here I am, sitting at a fancy computer all warm and mushy, whilst thousands in Japan are cold, confused, and hurting.

Ganbare, Nihon. I know your sun will never set.

Oscar de La Want One

Does anyone else see themselves clutching an Oscar, gasping for breath whilst holding back tears, whenever someone else wins one of those damn things?

No? Just me?

Oh, and btw, how fucking gorgeous was Anne Hathaway tonight? Not gonna lie. Was slightly envious when she wore that suit. I'm probably about as tall as her thigh.

Anyway, I decided to start this blog to kinda purge my thoughts. Like food, it's just baggage if you keep it inside you. Just kidding. Slightly. The other reason is because I'm too cheap to buy one of those flowery-print, overpriced diaries at Barnes & Noble.

I'm sorry if you happen to stumble upon this toilet bowl of word vomit.